Christmas reflections

I suppose with a title like that you’d assume this was some profound spiritual or theological pondering on the meaning of the incarnation and God’s missional call to incarnate in our contexts and locale.

Nope.

I can’t sleep.  It is 3:46 AM.  I think it is a combination of acid reflux and Christmas excitement.  And before you feel sorry for me, I have slept – from 8:00 – Midnight.  Lately, when I put the kids to bed I fall asleep too then get up at midnight (which is nice because I get to welcome Sarah home from work).  Usually I am up for an hour or 2 and then go back to sleep.  Not tonight.

This is all exacerbated by a general feeling of malaise.  Not sure I can pinpoint it… and I haven’t even been able to articulate it this much for months.  I think it is a combination of starting a new job/ministry venture (www.nkuwf.org), lack of exercise, and lack of personal spiritual discipline.  Let me be clear, the new gig is great.  It feels like a great fit for my call and gifting.  It really is nice being back in the United Methodist Church orbit again – something of a homecoming.

And at the same time, I’m basically starting from scratch at NKU.  It is a lot like church planting.  A lot.  This is good and exactly was I was hoping for and expecting…. but it is still hard and tiring.  It feels a lot like driving in a new city without a map.  If I’m honest, I’ve been in a funk about it the last couple months.  It is hard to know where to start, what works, what doesn’t work but we should do anyway, what patterns are we initiating that will form the DNA of this ministry, what bad habits are we starting (and how do we recognize them before they turn cancerous!), who do I spend most of my time with, etc….?  We’re truly starting with a blank slate – no structures, buildings, programs, and very few people.  Every student I’ve met with this past semester (and there were many) is interested in what we are doing, they would like to be involved, but it seems like life gets in the way more often than not.  I don’t think I’ve ever met a busier group of students!

I need to reflect more on all this…. I think I’ve even been afraid of reflecting or lamenting.  I think I’ve lived under the weight of (and myth of) if I’m starting something I need to be enthusiastic and positive at all times!  That is categorically dumb.  I need to fess up. Maybe, just maybe, that’s what the incarnation is about…

Timothy’s awake.  Gotta go.