I am. I’m not sure what the deal is but lately I’ve just felt kinda blah…….. Nothing specific is wrong – many good things are happening in fact. But I’ve been feeling… out of sync. There are a few things I’ve been in limbo about so that is probably part of it. Perhaps some of this lethargy will lift once those become clear(er).
I feel as though I’m in that infamous 8 minute lull in conversation – you know – the one where everyone gets quiet for no apart reason. That’s life right now. I’ve been drinking too much caffeine, generally eating poorly, exercising not so much, and watching entirely too much TV. I feel yucky.
To be clear – I don’t think this is a bad thing. I don’t have the sense that something is “wrong” – although I could certainly stand to exercise and eat better. I’m pretty sure there are not any major “issues” at hand to be confronted. Just life. I must admit however, I’m looking forward to being past this.
In some ways it feels nice. Its kinda like the early morning quiet when everyone else in the house is asleep and you feel that you have the world to yourself. It is in those moments (and the protracted one that I’m in at present) that interesting things happen in your head…. old dysfunctions and new fetishes as well as former dreams and tentative hopes. It is nice to just “veg”. At the same time it is weird to be so un-focused. I feel such a bizarre apathy – not an uncaring apathy, as if I just don’t care about anything so why do it. Rather, it is a waiting apathy – there are many things to do and a good chunk of them are things that are awaiting other things outside of my control.
And the waiting continues….
