I must let them out.
Churches and Community.
The (new) Counter-Cultural Movement: Stability.
On Buying a Home.
Podcasting and why it should be as free as humanly possible.
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Churches and Community.
Every church that I can think of carries the “community” banner. Not just in name (Vineyard Central Community Church), but language and story. They say “we want to build community”, “we want to reach out to our community”, “we’re a community-friendly/oriented church”. It has become almost cliche. Which is sad really, because “community” is (as I perceive it) one of the most desperately needed things in our current American funk. We know we need people. We need relationships – sometimes unhealthly, but we sometimes know that too.
Unfortunately, we are essentially clueless as to how to actually have relationships with other people. Don’t believe me? A certain former mayor of Cincinnati has a television show highlighting this fact. And Jerry is not alone. He’s just pointing out the obvious. We suck at relationships. We don’t know how to be with people, how to navigate through conflict, how to express gratitude, how to receive gratitude, or how to listen (without being defensive or just waiting for our turn to talk).
So churches see this and say, rightly, we want to become a place where neighbors are really loved. We talk about “one anothering”, “gettin’ all up in each others bizness”, “doing life together”, and the like. But (and here’s my critique… you could tell I was headed here, couldn’t you) just saying it doesn’t make it so. Nor does just meeting in a small group once a week. Nor does just attending (or leading for that matter) a house church.
If our churches (house or otherwise) are to truly be Communities of Faith, then we need to see each other more than for a couple hourse once a week.
We need to meet weekly (I really believe that – its not sacred, but it seems to make sense to me) with a small group of people (who we can actually know) AND we need to be connected to a larger body of people (who can multiply our effectiveness in the world and keep us in check) AND we need to be regular and serendipitious connection with individuals from our “small group of poeple who meet weekly” mulitple times throughout the week.
Ok, there I said it. We need see the same people over and over again – alot – in all sorts of different settings. I’m NOT just talking about pastors… I’m talking about everybody. I don’t know why this seems strange to some, but if we are to really know each other we need consistent reminders of each other. I know this isn’t easy. It is markedly different than how we live. We don’t do it. Yes, this may require a life-change. No, that is not fun. And, No, this will not make you happy. (I speak generally and probably arrogantly, but if I’m right please forgive me, if I’m wrong just ignore me)
In the churches that I’ve been in where I’ve experienced the greatest level of connection and spiritual transformation, I was people mulitple times a week in mulitple settings. This doesn’t mean more meetings – far from it. It does mean being intentional. It means choosing to live in such a way that the people I church with are people I can see.
Oh, and this is important, it doesn’t mean seeing everybody in your church all the time. Here’s a hypothetical example that Sarah and I used last night during a conversation about this: Sarah shares a prayer concern at HC on Monday night, Sarah sees Elizabeth at work on Tuesday afternoon, Elizabeth inquires about the latest details, Elizabeth lives near Natalie who she sees while taking the trash out Weds. morning and fills her in on the latest from Sarah, Natalie tells her husband and they continue praying… meanwhile Sarah’s husband (that’s me) meets with Jeff and Jason weekly on Thurs. to pray and hold each other accountable. Jeff asks Aaron about Sarah’s prayer concern. Jeff IMs with Greg and lets him know about the latest with Sarah.
You get the idea. It is simple stuff, but it does involve connecting outside of “our regularly scheduled program”. This is a space where I think technology can be used well. I would never substitute IM, blog, or email only relationships for flesh and blood ones… but they can be used to keep folks connected. Does it mean you have to all live in the same neighborhood – no, but it may mean that you have to work a bit harder at figuring out how to do it. In some neighborhoods even the neighbors don’t see each other that often.
I have heard from lots of HC leaders lately that this is something they struggle with… I do not presume that what I suggest is a “silver bullet”, but I think it could help. I know many long to deeply belong – to know and be known profoundly. I think this can happen, but it involves (re)structuring our lives to be available for it to happen.
